Tag Archives: Abuse

One by One by One….

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The Editorial Board has received information indicating the formal interviews for the GRACE investigation are proceeding as planned.  Some are completed; some are yet to come.  All of them are a vital part in shining truth and light on a once dark, musty, and rather dirty closet at Wade Hampton Boulevard.  

Yes, one by one, they filled out surveys.  One by one, they will sit down with the GRACE team of investigators, and all-around good guys of the Faith. GRACE logo

For many, this will be the very first time anyone has truly believed their stories.  In fact, many had begun to doubt the veracity of their own experience based on the sticks and stones of those fundamentalist stalwarts who ran (and ruined) their lives.  Their “bitterness” was to blame and they were just “out to get” BJU because of their own “sin”.  But no more … one by one by one they have found solace in the welcoming arms of Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment (G.R.A.C.E. ) What a picture that paints.

Hope

God’s grace is, ultimately, the only place we will find complete solace.  He still sends comfort and protection to the afflicted.  One of our friends received a note of encouragement by someone who was praying that “bouncer angels” would be present during the trip to meet the investigation team and the interview.  Oh, the stress and self-talk work overtime to be sure.  But we are happy to report that God did send that type of cover, be they angels, friends, or just a word of encouragement from a stranger or the strangest place.  

One by one, they will all face their fears and their past.  Many will imagine the smirking face of Jim “I Wannabe a Counselor” Berg with his phony degree and hollow, often cruel methods.  Many will see the shadowy faces of their attackers and then those who accused them of lying.  The guilt will come in floods – yet these people are willing to do what is right even when a school founded on “doing right” would not.

We’ll see the results at some point.  BJU continues to shrink into an irrelevant state anyway.  The true fundy believers still have Pensacola and its water park for a whole lot less money.  Those who wake up and want a real degree have a world full of options in Liberty, Wheaton, Cedarville, and so many more.  Yes, one by one I believe we’ll see them all walk away until only a “basement Bible school” remains – and perhaps Stephen can run that by himself.

The word of the day is HOPE friends.  These people who have been, are being, and will be interviewed let hope swell up in them again.  And they are rewarded by a team of loving, Christ-like investigators who believe them and want to see justice done.  One by one by one they will have their interview day … and the dim light of hope grew bright.   The hope that one day someone, somewhere would at long last take the time to sit down, listen and believe their accounts of abuse and mistreatment became a reality.

Listening

Looking Beyond

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"Jesus Knows"

“Jesus Knows”

When the Editorial Board asked me to write this post, I warned them I would go “heavy on grace and redemption”. Chuckles and the rest said that was fine. In fact, they know me well enough to expect nothing else. The gist of the post is to follow up now that Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment (G.R.A.C.E.) is done with the initial survey at BJU, plus try and bring everybody back to a “center point” given the years of neglect both on Wade Hampton Blvd and elsewhere. Frankly, given the venom we’ve seen by people attempting to intimidate victims and the “gee, shucks, thanks” attitude from none other than Stephen Jones himself – well, it just strengthens our resolve here at Chuckles Travels to be there for all of you who hurt so badly to this day. Oh, and a word of caution for those whose faith has either been pressed to the limit or who don’t believe there is a God anyway. If you’ve read me before, you know I don’t pull punches in that area. You also know I won’t clobber you over the head with my beliefs or my Bible. You’ve seen enough of that to last you a lifetime. OK, here we go …

I’ve been privileged to be part of a team teaching a class on the C.S. Lewis classic Mere Christianity. I’ve read excerpts many times before, but this is has provided a chance to really dig into the book and understand the perspective from which Lewis wrote it. Couple this study with so many other books, talks, and material I’ve come across during the past few years of my journey and I am more convinced than ever that God – and I’m talking the God of Christianity here – is good and trustworthy. His ultimate act of grace and redemption in Jesus is beyond adequate thoughts and words. All the stories we’ve read that talk about some angry, vindictive God who punishes people and causes the strife we see are just plain bunk. Oh, I know he offers correction at times, but it never comes in the punitive form we’ve been taught in so many, many times. He is always the loving Father we long for. It’s the people who have twisted this that cause all the harm. I don’t have to mention names – you all know what was represented to you by some of these monsters. And then the had the nerve to come back at you and say it was all for your own good (or because of your sin) and that you need to “get over it”. Yep – that “bitter card” just keeps coming out of their hands.    

Jesus Holding Girl

But I’d like to challenge you to look deep into your own soul. The very design of it is for a loving relationship. The core of your being longs to be rescued. It shouts out – sometimes into what only seems like darkness – for somebody to care. And I can point you to the answer, but it won’t’ necessarily look like you think it should. I know some of you are asking, “Where was God when I was beaten and abused?” That’s a fair question and I don’t take it lightly. I will offer the answer, “He was right there” but I won’t do so in some flippant way. Much like the author of The Shack came to know in that powerful allegory, the abuse and neglect do hurt God. He had such better designs for our world – but he also wasn’t going to force anybody to love him. He knew that would be a hollow thing in the end. So he gave the beings he created choice. And, as Lewis and so many others tell us, with the choice comes the ability to select both good and evil.

The men and women who abused and accused you would minimize this aspect of God and also the impact of the Evil One. Yes, I believe that Satan is a real being and I believe he is intent on doing as much damage as possible. He is the one who brought your tormentors to do what they do. It wasn’t because of your “bad” – it was because of their choice to see God as a punisher and be agents of evil. They may have even thought they were bringing “God’s correction” but they knew nothing about his love and they were never in a position to help. Their own egos and needs took over and they did not do God’s work, instead choosing to perpetrate evil. But even this dark side of the story has the chance for a happier ending.

You, my friend, hold the keys to your own destiny. You have that same power of free will. You can choose to enter into the Mystery of who God really is and what he has promised to do for us. This is the same God that used even the evil done on poor Joseph to save a nation – in fact, save the known world. This is the same God who stands like the Prodigal Father ready to welcome us, dress us, and feed us lavishly. We can choose to run toward him through our Divine Brother. It will not undo the past. In some cases, those who did the evil things may appear to “get away with it” as even our laws fail to bind them. But I can promise that God will redeem it all and will never tell us to “get over it”. Instead, he will wrap us in his arms and encourage us to look beyond and find Him.

He may ask us to tell our stories to others so that the cycles of neglect and abuse can be broken. He may ask us to seek legal justice so that people are punished for their crimes. But whatever he does, he has promised to be with us and love us. He is not the “vending machine” God of the fundamentalists. He will not be “tamed” like they want him to be. His love is, as Brennan Manning put it, a reckless and ravenous thing. And he welcomes all without regard to what has happened. He tells us we are not some flawed, reprobate beings. He calls us his own children and he laughs and delights to see us come. Looking beyond is possible because he has already provided for it … and he invites us to see things as he does. He invites us to take his hand, experience his grace, and know we aren’t alone anymore.

May you find his peace in a new way today …

C.P. Traveler

Christians, Your Children’s Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Scores are WAY too High!

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The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) preformed a comprehensive study to examine the relationship between childhood trauma and disease later in life.  It is known as the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study.  It is one of the largest studies to date which examined child abuse, neglect or maltreatment  to assess and later in life health well-being. Well over 17,000 cases were examined.

The results  were astounding.

The researchers questioned people to gather information about a number of adverse childhood experience including physical, sexual or emotional abuse; having a parent abandon the family; having a parent who was a substance abuser; having a parent who went to prison or was institutionalized for mental illness; and witnessing domestic violence against their mother. (See graph at end of this post.)
From this information, the researchers determined an ACEs score for each patient by allotting one point for each type of reported experience. Then, the medical records of those subjects were examined and compared to their ACEs score.Almost two-thirds of the subjects reported at least one ACEs factor, while one in five had a score of three or more. Researchers determined that as the ACEs score increased, so did the risk of developing serious diseases such as heart and lung disease, liver disease, diabetes, sexually transmitted diseases, chronic depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and the list goes on.  (See graph at end of this post.)These outcomes coincide with an increase in high risk behaviors such as smoking, alcohol or drug abuse, and promiscuity. Those with higher ACEs scores are at increased risk of obesity, adolescent pregnancy, suicide, fetal death, intimate partner violence and sexual assault.  (See graph at end of this post.)In addition, scientists have also examined the effect of childhood stress and trauma on brain development with similarly remarkable results.  (See graph at end of this post.)It is now widely accepted that recurring childhood trauma can significantly change brain chemistry and inhibit brain development thereby increasing the rate of a variety of mental illnesses and learning disabilities.

(See graph at end of this post.)

Unfortunately, Christians also abuse their own children and other people’s children.  We here at Chucklestravels have heard some horrendous accounts from survivors.  Lamentably, when Christians discover abuse, instead of holding the abusive individual accountable, Christians are usually the first to blame the victim.  Most of the time, it doesn’t stop with victim blaming but then proceeds on to attempt to confuse, inveigle and obfuscate investigations of law enforcement and social service organizations.

As we see it here at Chucklestravels, it is well past time for Christians to put an end to making light of abuse.  It’s time to protect the innocent.  It’s well past time to stop the victim blaming.  It shouldn’t matter who he or she is.  Let’s begin holding abusers accountable whether he be your pastor, Christian College professor, pew warmer or the addict on the corner.

(By the way, lest you think that the ACE Study was yet another involving inner-city poor people of color, take note: The study’s participants were 17,000 mostly white, middle and upper-middle class college-educated San Diegans with good jobs and great health care – they all belonged to the Kaiser Permanente health maintenance organization.)

If you’re interested in checking your own ACE Score here is the short questionnaire. or the  long questionnaire (200+ questions).

Investigative Report Reveals Some Religious Reform Schools Are Havens for Child Abuse

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From: Time Health and Family                                         

“An investigation reveals extensive child abuse in youth programs in Florida.

They’re advertised as “boarding schools” or “Christian” children’s homes in Florida, but a year-long investigation  published in the Tampa Bay Times reveals lax oversight on dozens of youth programs, some of which had been shut down for abuse in other states, and have continued to operate for decades.

In the state, such unlicensed religious homes can operate outside state child protection laws thanks to an exemption that protects religious practices. Some are structured more like military camps, while other boarding school programs emphasize the “emotional growth” aspect of their mission, claiming to help teens with everything from defiance to depression to drug problems. Hundreds of students register at these schools each year, brought by desperate parents eager to pay $20,000 or more in tuition to put their children back on the “right” path — away from drugs, crime and even homosexuality.

The religious exemption protects the programs from inspections by the state Department of Children and Families, which means students can be imprisoned or shackled and, unlike licensed youth programs, be denied contact with their parents and prevented from accessing child abuse hotlines. Regulatory authority over these religious programs lies almost entirely in the hands of the Florida Association of Christian Child Caring Agencies (FACCA).  And these programs flourish in other states as well, since no national regulations exist to oversee such facilities for teens.

In the opening story of the Tampa Bay Times three-part investigation, reporters recount the experience of a former Christian military school attendee named Samson Lehman:

  •       They shaved him bald that first morning in 2008, put him in an orange jumpsuit and made him exercise past           dark. Through the night, as he slept on the floor, they forced him awake for more. The sun had not yet risen over the Christian military home when Samson Lehman collapsed for the sixth time. Still, he said, they made him run.
  • The screaming, the endless exercise, it was all in the name of God, a necessary step at the Gateway Christian Military Academy on the path to righteousness. So when Samson vomited, they threw him a rag. When his urine turned red, they said that was normal. By Day 3, the 15-year-old was on the verge of death, his dehydrated organs shutting down.

When the teen was finally taken to the emergency room, Lehman was immediately airlifted to a higher level facility because his condition required more complex treatment than a local hospital could provide. Dehydration had caused a potentially lethal build-up of waste in his body; an ibuprofen pain-killer that staff had given him only made matters worse.  Lehman required months of dialysis to help his kidneys recover.

“I thought I was going to die slumped up against a wall,” he says to TIME, describing the worst part of the ordeal.  An honors student, Lehman had been placed in the program by his mother, who suffers from mental illness and was overly worried that he would follow in the footsteps of his older brother, who had been arrested.  Samson did not have behavioral problems, other than arguing frequently with his mother. She learned about the program from a boyfriend, who had heard about it while in prison, and she convinced herself it would help Samson.

In an interview with the Tampa Bay Times, the director of Gateway Christian Military Academy blamed Lehman’s hospitalization on pre-existing “mineral deficiencies.” He also told the paper that the program has since hired a registered nurse to handle health issues, eliminated the intense, lengthy exercises that Lehman describes, and requires applicants to pass a physical before entry.

But Florida’s child welfare agency described what happened as “verified medical neglect.” Since Gateway is regulated only by the FACCCA, which is a voluntary association manned by two full-time and two part-time employees, and because the state did not chose to file charges, it remains open.

Gateway Christian Military Academy is also part of a national organization called Teen Challenge, which has a history of abusive practices carried out in the name of religion. For decades, Teen Challenge has run afoul of states with stricter oversight of youth facilities for some of its practices.

In the mid 90s, Teen Challenge tangled with state regulators in Texas when officials demanded that all programs that involve locking up youth meet certain training, safety and education standards for counselors.  Citing religious freedom, Teen Challenge resisted— and then-Governor George W. Bush stepped in to save the program by exempting all religious youth facilities from oversight.

Reports of abuse at the exempted facilities began surfacing, including one in which a girl was found bound in duct tape, but without the licensing rules, the state couldn’t act. When Texas officials rescinded the exemption in 2001, programs simply moved to other states, including Florida, where religion was still used as a buffer to protect such abuses.

MORE: Increasingly, Internet Activism Helps Shutter Abusive ‘Troubled Teen’ Boot Camps

The Tampa Bay Times series shows that the beatings and abuse simply continued, while Teen Challenge facilities only expanded their reach further. Lehman says that his grandfather recently encountered people trying to recruit youth to attend Teen Challenge at a Florida Walmart. “He was pretty upset about it,” he says.

Julia Scheeres, author of the bestselling memoir Jesus Land, which describes her forced participation in a similar Christian home, says reading about Lehman’s ordeal and the network such religious programs in Florida “made me so angry I could barely skim the articles. A school’s ‘religious rights’ should never trump a child’s human rights.  It sickens me to see this.”

She adds, “These are the same tactics that were used at my reform school:  shaving heads for running away, monitoring all communication with the outside so kids couldn’t complain, calisthenics to the point of vomiting, sleep deprivation.”

The consequences for her, as for Samson Lehman, were dire.  “Most of us came out of that school worse than we went in,” she says. “Living in an atmosphere of constant fear 24/7 is anything but therapeutic. Many of us alumni have struggled with fallout— depression, substance abuse, failed relationships, despondency, anger issues. And most of us have nightmares about being back there, decades later.”  Lehman, now 20 and an engineering student, says “If you are going to try to reform your child, you should look for a professional place that’s monitored and has standards to go by.”

The debate over the role that corporal punishment has outside of the home — in schools, and meted out by non-family members — continues to rage, despite growing research showing it can have lasting detrimental effects on child development and behavior. The issues are at the same time both similar and more compelling when it comes to residential institutions for youth— religious or otherwise— or for teen programs whose primary mission is to improve potentially disobedient or disruptive behavior.  In a non-residential situation, parents will see bruises and hear complaints if a child is punished too severely — and if children cannot contact a parent, use a phone or the internet to reach out to child abuse hotlines, serious abuse can go undetected for long periods of time.  The problem is particularly challenging when youth with behavioral problems are involved, since program officials often successfully argue that their complaints are the result of manipulative or mentally ill people who cannot be trusted.

In 2008, Rep. George Miller (D-CA) introduced the first bill in Congress, the Stop Child Abuse in Residential Programs for Teens Act, to regulate teen residential programs. It passed the House twice and was introduced in the Senate for the first time last year by Sen. Tom Harkin (D-IA).  It bans punitive use of restraint and prohibits programs from “physically, mentally, or sexually abusing children in their care,” as well as requiring access to an abuse reporting hotline.

If the bill passes, it will be too late to protect students like Lehman but hopefully in time to prevent hundreds more from enduring equally tragic experiences.

Public Announcement: Support Fairhaven Survivors

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‎***** PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT *****

Ladies and Gentlemen:

One year ago on September 22, 2011, Anderson Cooper’s 360 Program Ungodly Discipline Series focused on Fairhaven Church Academy in Chesterton, IN.

During the interview, 10 former students described disciplinary techniques that went beyond acceptable classroom corporeal punishment, including a young man who described a water torture incident on a teen trip outside the country and Dr. Voegtlin’s adopted son’s account of being forced to wear a dress.

After the special aired, the community rallied in protesting the church for several weeks and putting pressure on the school while showing support for those abused by their methods of child correction.

Additionally, the delegates to the 70th Annual Convention of the American Council of Christian Churches, meeting October 18-20, 2011 at the Bible Evangelical Methodist Church of Lancaster, PA, passed a resolution which resolved “that any guilty of the aforementioned sins be rebuked, that they be called upon to repent, to repudiate these practices, and, where criminal offenses have occurred, to submit to civil authorities in order to pay their debt to society. And be it further resolved that we call upon Bible-believing churches everywhere to raise their voices in condemnation of these atrocities.”

Now that the Porter County Sheriff has opened an investigation and begun investigating the claims of victims who have come forward, we would like to ask the community to help us support these brave souls on the anniversary of the original report. 

FAIRHAVEN PROTEST
Sunday 8:30AM
September 23, 2012

SPREAD THE WORD!! Bring signs, sweatshirts friends and a loud voice to unite with the voices attempting to bring restoration and justice to the Chesterton community.

Thank you again to all who have worked tirelessly on our behalf whether in law enforcement, politics, or as community organizers. We appreciate you, your help and support.

Fairhaven sign shows love

Fairhaven sign shows love

Unto the Least of These~Part 3

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“Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

Larry and Dee Rapier were employed by Mack and Thelma Ford at New Bethany Home for Boys in Longstreet, Louisiana.

The following is the text of a report concerning Larry and Dee Rapier from 1981.

May 28, 1981

Desota Parish Sheriff’s Office                                                                                                              P.O. Box 271                                                                                                                               Mansfield, La. 71052

Attn: Billy Lynch                                                                                                                                     Re: Larry D. Rapier

Dear Sir:

A report was received in this office at 3:00 PM February 2, 1981 regarding the above named individual and his wife, Haidee Rapier. The report stated that Mr. Rapier is a minister and operates a facility named Liberty Baptist Home for Boys in a rural area of the county. The report stated that Mr. Rapier slaps the boys on the face and has beaten them with his fist. Report also states that Ms. Rapier will punish the boys by scratching them on the face and back with her rings.

An investigation began to determine the validity of the report. The investigation determined that the boys in the care and custody of Mr. Rapier were forced to work in chicken houses of a neighbor with pay being made to Mr. Rapier, D.B.A., Liberty Baptist Church. They attended school in El Dorado at a private church school.

One individual had first hand knowledge of abusive behavior. Other individuals have hear-say knowledge of abuse but have observed marks and bruises on the boys. The information is limited due to Mr. & Mrs. Rapier’s continual refusal to allow anyone outside the Church talk with the boys.

After reported refusal to allow the boys to be seen or interviewed a petition was filed with the Juvenile Court of Ouachita County on February 18, 1981, requesting the assistance of the court and Sheriff’s Department in conducting the investigation.That petition was granted.

Mr. Rapier again refused to allow access to the children on February 18th. He was assisted by an individual who kept the children hidden. Mr. Rapier requested that he be allowed to contact his attorney prior to answering any questions. Mr. Rapier was given until 9:00 A.M. the following morning to obtain legal counsel and provide the boys for an interview and examination.

Subsequently a motion for contempt of court was filed and a Juvenile Court order was made to have a show-cause hearing. Mr. Rapier fled the jurisdiction at that time.

It is my opinion that the reports of abuse in this County are probably true. Contact ewill be made with the individuals here for their permission to release their names and addresses to you.

If I can be of assistance let me know.

Sincerely,

Albert Marlar                                                                                                                                     Ouachita County Social Services                                                                                                         P.O. Box 718, 701 Viser Rd.                                                                                                        Camden, AR  71701

Phone # 836-8166

Thelma Ford admitted in her deposition the fact that Larry Rapier was convicted of abusing boys while he was employed at New Bethany.

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In May 2008, Dee Rapier appeared on Multiply Survivors of New Bethany

Here’s a  screenshot.  Dee Rapier, posting under msn-dormmother apologized to one of the young men she abused at that time.

According to Mother Jones,  ”Dee Rapier confirmed the atmosphere of physical and psychological torment at the facility she ran with her former husband.”

Here are a few more screenshots by msn-dormmother

But in July of 2012, Dee Rapier suddenly began claiming that it was the boys who had committed “very bad crimes.”

Well we here at Chucklestravels think that jcw1966 and tbird67 are on to something. It looks to us here at Chucklestravels, that someone indeed did commit some “very bad crimes,” but it wasn’t the boys, it was Larry Rapier and Mack Ford, and old Dee Rapier.  Not only did Dee Rapier abuse these boys herself, she admitted to fact that she helped her former husband, Larry Rapier and Mack Ford cover up their crimes.

Those who allege abuse at the hands of those who worked for New Bethany Homes are numerous. Mack and Thelma Ford allegedly abused 100′s of boys and girls while they were under his care.

Generations of women–at that time, but girls at New Bethany, allege that they were sexually abused by Mack Ford–himself.  These girls, now women, claim that Mack Ford sexually abused some of them while he was traveling with them across the country to present the “ministry” of New Bethany to its supporting churches.  These were known as the “trip girls.” 

We here on Chucklestravels are going to keep calling out Bienville Parish and Federal officials until someone hears.

Mack Ford is far more prolific than Jerry Sandusky.

  • Bienville Parish Sheriff Department what’s the deal?
  • Bienville Parish District Attorney WHY didn’t you prosecute?
  • Federal Bureau of Investigation why didn’t you follow-up when it was reported that Mack Ford raped girls across state lines?

Thoughts From An Abused Child

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I tried so hard to be the daughter that you wanted, but nothing I could ever do was good enough. All I ever wanted was for you to love me and be proud of me. That was all that mattered to me. I just wish you could tell me what I did to make you hate me because I loved you so much, even though you put me through hell. Because I told myself you did it because you loved me.

But I guess that wasn’t what it was. I just wanted to know if you ever truly loved me. If there was ever a time I was ever good enough to be loved.

Those are the questions I will ask myself for the rest of my life, and that alone is worse than anything you have or could have done to me.  Because of you I missed out on everyday life. I missed out on the love and happiness of a family. That is something I will never get back, and for that I can never forgive you.

Because of you every day of my life I wake up and look in the mirror and I see that bad little girl who could never do anything right to make her parents happy.

Because of you I am emotionally and physically scarred, and every time I look at myself I see the product of your so-called love. And it hurts.

You don’t know how hard it is for me to say this to you. But I needed to tell you what was in my heart. I am so sorry I wasn’t and never will be the daughter that you wanted or could love and be proud of.

Even though I would have done anything for you. I would have died for you if I thought it would make you proud of me and love me.

I would have done anything for you. I would have moved mountains if I could if I thought it would make you love me. That’s how much I loved you. That’s how much you hurt me.

I just wanted to tell you how much you hurt me because I don’t think you fully understand how much damage you have really done to me.

 

Does it matter to you that I prayed every night, God would make me a good girl?  Maybe then, you would love me.  It seemed at the time, Jesus didn’t hear me, in truth Jesus heard me, but you chose to close your heart and mind to Him.

I grew up, hating myself because all I understood was how unworthy I was of your love.  I thought I was unworthy of Jesus’ love too.

Does any of this even matter to you?

Guest Post: The Abusers Haven

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Why do we keep hearing and/or reading, “Forgive your abuser and move on with your life?”

I have to speak up about something I have continually seen reoccur within the ranks of the Advocacy/Activism/Survivors/Alumni groups online. I’m talking about way before Facebook was ever even thought about. What I’m referring to goes back much farther even than when I came to the harsh realization that the IFB children’s home of which I was a former resident, New Bethany Home for Girls in Arcadia, La., was not just a surreal, multi-million dollar con job of a “home for wayward girls/boys” that nobody would believe existed because (I thought for years)it was the only one of its kind. But I don’t want to get off track too much, so I’ll try to get to the point and not ramble.
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I have seen, within the archives of the “Survivors of New Bethany” website on Multiply, going back for quite a few years, those who (appear to?) deem it necessary to pop up like a bad penny occasionally and declare that those who were abused should forgive their abuser. And now, after having become a member of several groups comprised  of survivors of IFB/religious institutions where they themselves were horribly sexually/physically abused, or had direct knowledge of it happening, I sadly, not to mention infuriatingly see how commonly, and loosely given this advice is. Much like the be-all-end-all of wonderful, Godly instruction. Frankly, it makes me sick and tempted to punch something. It’s a good thing I value the use of my hands so much.
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Has anybody really tried to figure out why there are some who feel like this is good advice to give? And where the hell they would come up with such a horrible idea? Primarily when sexual/physical abuse is a factor, and the abuser has very little chance of being stopped or held accountable? My conclusion is that the “forgive and move on” idea was firmly planted in their heads. Healthy logic and reasoning do not coincide with this concept. I’m tired of our religious leaders stressing the importance of “forgiveness” within their churches and institutions, especially with children, beginning at a very young age, in order to assure that the guilt of speaking up about things that are wrong is set like concrete within the psyche of each individual human being who is under their umbrella. And with this being done primarily to protect the reputation of their “leader”, church or institution, it reeks of evil. The very opposite of safety, love, holiness and the spiritual well-being of every person.
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I have no doubt, however that there is the occasion where a well-meaning person, hoping to help a hurting individual will, with this deeply-ingrained and years-long taught “forgiveness” concept, will suggest that another person “forgive and move on” from those who have wronged them. When this suggestion is given to someone who is, or has suffered from abuse, then the giver of this advice has left their logic and reasoning at the door. The “forgive and move on” advice in such situations needs to be recognized for what it really is. And by that, I mean it is a conveyance of a pre-programmed idea, crammed into the head of the advice giver, that has no more logical sense than repeating the same word over and over again until it’s lost its true meaning. (Much like memorizing whole chapters of scripture under the threat of being beaten and humiliated. Knowing how to recite huge passages of scripture, over and over and over again, totally annihilates the meaning of what has been memorized. Like saying the same word over and over again until it sounds just plain silly.)
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I see the “forgive and move on” (FAMO) concept as the very same. Unsuspecting people say it to others without understanding the hidden meaning behind why they have been taught to say it. All they know is that it’s supposed to be the right thing to say. And, yes. My conclusion is that it is something taught, rather than learned or experienced with a guaranteed healthy outcome. There is no way that telling someone who is, or has been abused, that everything will be okay if they FAMO, even resembles logical sense. And every person alive has a sense of logic, or even better, a conscience……..until it becomes twisted and perverted under the direction of a leader or leaders who are given free reign to do it, whether by a consenting adult or defenseless children.
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There is a multitude of us who had the FAMO (or forgive and forget) concept branded into our brains and hearts. For some, who have also suffered abuse, it seems that the only way to alleviate their own anger, fear and guilt, is to cling to this concept, because they are psychologically and spiritually unable to revert themselves back to logical thinking, or else they are simply afraid to, as thinking outside the box of their religious instruction is alien to them. For others,and for more reasons than I could list, there develops an epiphany. “What if this is all wrong?” (For me, personally, my realization was worded “I have been fed a line of bullshit my entire life! I’m outta here!”-followed by a descent into a hole of feeling worthless and undeserving. It’s been a hard climb back up. But now, no one does my thinking, or feeling for me.)
————————————————-
Sexual and physical abuse of children is wrong. Inside, outside and upside down. Wrong. And evil. And inexcusable. Regardless of who the perpetrator is. A pastor, church elder, teacher, coach, parent, whatever.
————————————————-

“But our Brother in Christ has been disciplined within the church, sent away for awhile, and now we must “lift up our fallen brother.”
“It’s under the blood!”

What a crock of horse-pucky! The reality of it is that this “fallen brother” is still free to continue perpetuating the same abuses, and will likely never be held accountable for the harm inflicted on the innocent. But at least “the cause of Christ hasn’t been harmed, and we must protect the cause of Christ at all costs!” Another crock of horse-pucky. Christ can protect himself just fine, thank you. Allowing predators to continue with their prowling does not lift up the cause of Christ. It destroys it. What sounds logical to me, would be seeing that those who harm little ones be put in prison, for the cause of Christ.
———————————————–
Anyone who honestly parrots the FAMO spiel with good intentions needs to realize, before they inflict any more harm on a suffering person, the real reason they had this concept crammed into them. You cannot honestly say that you yourself, independently, and with no human influence, decided that FAMO was a great idea. You are repeating what you have been taught to repeat, much like some of us recited entire chapters of scripture with no complaints. We were afraid of the consequences if we didn’t. However, if in being completely honest with yourself, you can say that FAMO worked for you personally, good for you. But you have no right to suggest that it’s right in every situation. You need to stop doing that.
———————————————-

And let me mention this. By telling someone suffering from abuse that they should FAMO, you are putting yourself (in their eyes) in a position of authority to dictate to them what is or is not a “forgivable” offense against them. Not to mention trying to assert a time limit on their hurt.
Chances are very good, that in you being taught that FAMO is the solution for yours or another’s pain from suffering abuse, instead of “I’m so sorry this happened to you. How can I help?” the real and diabolical reason you had this crammed firmly in your head is because, somewhere down the line, an abuser of children may face real accountability.
———————————————
And the “Godly” leaders who command you to FAMO, or command you to say that to others ain’t having any of that.
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Before you turn the FAMO switch to on, think for just a second. If you wouldn’t give the same advice to a victim of Jerry Sandusky’s, then you sure as hell don’t need to give it to anyone else who suffers like that.
———————————————
(Disclaimer: The above essay is a compilation of my own conclusions and personal experiences. I don’t claim to be an authority on anything.)

~Teresa Frye

Unto the Least of These…..Part One

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Mack Ford Shoots when sex abuse mentioned

“Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

Mechille Searles is the last known New Bethany Survivor to leave us – and she did so far too soon.  

As a small group of New Bethany survivors went to lay a wreath outside New Bethany’s gate in remembrance of Mechille (and others who passed away too soon), Maxine Ford, Mack and Thelma Ford’s daughter, came out to the gate. They had police-type dogs and proceeded to verbally harass these brave, grieving survivors.  Maxine, apparently in such a hurry to join this “defense team”, even forgot to put on a bra.  We can only imagine they were not at all pleased with this display of compassion and intended to make sure these ladies didn’t get the opportunity to talk too much about the abuse they all suffered at New Bethany.

As if the verbal assault and presence of the “guard dogs” wasn’t enough, Mack Ford landed an exclamation  point on his position by firing three shots.  In the video linked below, you can listen for the shots right after the subject of “sexual abuse” is mentioned.  It would appear Mack Ford was neither amused nor grieved at what was being said by the survivors.

[WUBujt2-zyU]

Chuckles spoke on the phone with Simone Jones shortly after Ms. Jones returned home after her trip to Arcadia, Louisiana. Ms. Jones related that the plans were to remember their friend in a dignified way and then leave.  Their intent was never to rant or protest.  None of these ladies where trying to be hero’s nor do any of them wish to be called a hero. They merely felt that Mechille Searles (and others) deserved to be recognized for what they endured and what that lead to in their lives.

This is one of the hardest posts we have tried to write.  It has been written, tweaked, deleted completely, re-written – all over and over.  Mere words just cannot express or explain the horrors that surround Michelle’s story and those of so many like her.  We have received 1000’s of pages of legal documents regarding New Bethany and Mack Ford, including legal depositions from Mack and Thelma Ford.  Affidavit after affidavit given by former New Bethany residents tell of physical and sexual abuse while at that horrible place.  Frankly, I’m growing sick of people talking about  Jerry Sandusky when Mack Ford still sits in his compound.

This is a big case.  Mack Ford admitted (in his own deposition) that he got the “burden” to start the girls home while on a mission furlough from Australia.  His account tells how he met two “blonde-headed” 12 year-old little girls who were “pregnant by their own daddy.”  He tells of how he got the “burden” to help little girls like these who were in deep trouble.  Missing from the record is Ford saying when/how he or the pastor he worked with at the beginning ever reported their “daddy” to the authorities. Ford’s own words still make my blood run cold.  He saw a huge issue, true, but rather than move to protect the girls, he launched his own “empire” working outside the laws designed to protect and punish in these cases.  Do girls in that situation need spiritual guidance?  Absolutely!  But “daddies” like that need to punished to the fullest extent of the law.  

Mack Ford’s deposition goes downhill from that point (if you can believe it).  When he isn’t claiming “selective amnesia” it just heartbreaking to realize what Mack Ford has done and never been punished for.  Reading through all the legal documents, we cannot for the life of us understand why Mack Ford isn’t rotting in prison?  And it brings up other questions still unanswered:

                 
                                                                                         
                                                          












  • Bienville County Sheriff Department what’s the deal?
  • Bienville County District Attorney WHY didn’t you prosecute?
  • Federal Bureau of Investigation why didn’t you follow-up when it was reported that Mack Ford raped girls across state lines?

Mack Ford is far more prolific than Jerry Sandusky.
Numerous newspaper reports from Louisiana and Waterboro, South Carolina tell of Ford-owned New Bethany homes.  Olin King ran the one in Waterboro, SC.  King was arrested and convicted of crimes against children.   

And Ford’s “legacy” spread …
After Olin King’s arrest for beating boys, locking a 9 year old boy in a dark cell wearing only underwear, providing only a dirty blanket for “warmth,” treating them like dogs (Literally forming a chain gang by using dog leashes snapped through the boys belt loops) at the New Bethany boys home of Waterboro SC Olin King moved to North Carolina where King opened Second Chance Ranch.  Olin King’s son, Doug King married one of his bosses daughters. Penny (Ford) King sent a series of unsolicited emails to a New Bethany survivor who didn’t even make the memorial trip to New Bethany.  Penny’s messages, among other things, dammed the recipient to hell.

The attorney of record for King and New Bethany was at the time Bob Jones University board member.  Which brings up an interesting (if not completely maddening side question) …
Why does Bob Jones University’s name keep popping up on the wrong side of these cases?

At the Memorial the survivors planned to remember all the survivors of New Bethany that have passed away:

  • Doug Gilmore (Note that Mack Ford claimed he had adopted Doug in his deposition.  Doug Gilmore wasn’t legally adopted by Mack and Thelma, making Ford’s claim perjury.   Doug Gilmore was found dead days before the Mother Jones article was released)
  • Angela Williams
  • Theresa Trahan
  • Joann Coltrain
  • Michael (Guy) Richardson
  • Mechille Evans Searles             

Mechille Evans Searles Memorial Wreath

        

The Marital Rape Fantasies of Doug Wilson

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On July 17, 2012 on Gospel Coalition Jared Wilson posted an excerpt from Doug Wilson’s Fidelity: What It Means To Be a One Woman Man.  

Both posts have now been deleted from the Gospel Coalitions active website, in the (likely) event they were to also disappear from Google Cache, (current links below)

The Polluted Waters of 50 Shades of Grey, Etc

and

Shades of Outrage

The Editorial Board of Chucklestravels voted to make sure the posts didn’t disappear down the memory hole. Both posts are quoted in entirety.

First here’s Jared Wilson’s post he called, “The Polluted Waters of 50 Shades of Gray, Etc.”

Doug Wilson

“This passage from Douglas Wilson’s book Fidelity: What it Means to be a One-Woman Man was written 13 years ago, but I found it especially relevant in the wake of the success of 50 Shades of Grey and other modern celebrations of perverted sexual authority/submission. It is found in the chapter in the book on Rape, and Wilson argues that this sort of sexual pathology is a perverted version of good, God-honoring, and body-protecting authority and submission between husbands and wives.”

“A final aspect of rape that should be briefly mentioned is perhaps closer to home. Because we have forgotten the biblical concepts of true authority and submission, or more accurately, have rebelled against them, we have created a climate in which caricatures of authority and submission intrude upon our lives with violence.”"When we quarrel with the way the world is, we find that the world has ways of getting back at us. In other words, however we try, the sexual act cannot be made into an egalitarian pleasuring party. A man penetrates, conquers, colonizes, plants. A woman receives, surrenders, accepts. This is of course offensive to all egalitarians, and so our culture has rebelled against the concept of authority and submission in marriage. This means that we have sought to suppress the concepts of authority and submission as they relate to the marriage bed.”

“But we cannot make gravity disappear just because we dislike it, and in the same way we find that our banished authority and submission comes back to us in pathological forms. This is what lies behind sexual “bondage and submission games,” along with very common rape fantasies. Men dream of being rapists, and women find themselves wistfully reading novels in which someone ravishes the “soon to be made willing” heroine. Those who deny they have any need for water at all will soon find themselves lusting after polluted water, but water nonetheless.”

“True authority and true submission are therefore an erotic necessity. When authority is honored according to the word of God it serves and protects — and gives enormous pleasure. When it is denied, the result is not “no authority,” but an authority which devours.”

– Douglas Wilson, Fidelity: What it Means to be a One-Woman Man(Moscow, Idaho: Canon Press, 1999), 86-87.

Jason Wilson

Jared Wilson and Doug Wilson, wounded their brothers and sisters, and when people expressed their hurt Doug Wilson belittled them and told them to ‘retake their ESL class’.

Jared stepped in it further when he posted his non-pology, Shades of Outrage.

What if you published a post that was for sexuality that serves and protects and against “rape fantasy” erotica/role-playing and lots of people found it horrifying and sickening?

This is what I’ve been trying to wrap my mind and heart around since posting this excerpt from Douglas Wilson’s book Fidelity last Friday. The comment thread exploded with horrified readers, some of them more nuanced in their outrage than others, but most claiming to find in the excerpt an admonition opposite of its meaning. Meaning, where I had read a treatise against self-gratification and the perversion of authority/submission into force and violence and kinky sex, others were reading it as a treatise for such things. Obviously I find that odd.

Now that some more high profile bloggers are squaring their sights on the post, sending more readers over to peruse it, I suppose a follow-up is in order. In the comment thread there, I explained and clarified umpteen times, and Douglas Wilson himself pitched in, but it appears to be to no avail. We cannot make people see what they are committed not to see. Indeed, I suspect much of the outrage was stewing toward Wilson and The Gospel Coalition already, and I just unwittingly provided the first opportunity to vent it.

If I could summarize the excerpt — as I have already — I would do it this way:
The Bible lays out complementary roles for men and women in covenant contexts, in which men are meant to be the heads of the household and the church and women are meant to be their helpers. Because of the fall, this authority/submission design has become perverted. It has even become perverted in the arena of sexuality when authority/submission becomes about violent rape and even “rape fantasies” as found in role playing by kinky husbands and wives or in popular pornography for women.

That is why I was tying it into 50 Shades of Grey’s popularity. I thought it a deft point; perhaps what we see in this sort of BDSM fantasy garbage is a perverted overreaction to God’s good design of authority and submission.

That’s how I read the excerpt, and thanks to Douglas Wilson’s clarifications, I am content that I am reading it correctly. Here is what the excerpt is NOT saying:
Forcing a woman against her will is okay. (Indeed, it’s saying the opposite.)
Sex is just about a man’s “getting his.”
Sex is about a man dominating (or otherwise taking advantage) of a woman.

Those things are not in the excerpt but have to be read into it against all context. I found many of the commenters’ ability to ignore the final paragraph of the piece, where Wilson says marital sexuality “serves and protects” and does not “devour,” quite telling.

The phrase that most critics seemed to hone in on was this one:

“A man penetrates, conquers, colonizes, plants. A woman receives, surrenders, accepts.”Unable to connect these descriptions to “serve and protect” or the surrounding context against force/manipulation/kink, many decontextualized them and maintained it doesn’t matter what was meant, only what was said, and therefore what was thought to be said was assumed to be meant. Douglas Wilson attempted some clarification and re-assertion in a comment:

“Penetrates.” Is anyone maintaining that this is not a feature of intercourse? “Plants.” Is the biblical concept of seed misogynistic? “Conquer.” Her neck is like the tower of David, and her necklace is like a thousand bucklers. “Colonize.” A garden locked is my sister, my bride. C’mon, people, work with me here.Only a person with a poetic ear like three feet of tin foil would maintain that penetrates can only be used of a Nazi invasion of Belgium, or that plants means that a man must treat his woman like dirt, or that conquering can only be done by ravaging Huns, and that colonization can only occur in a Haitian cane break.

What I was talking about occurs within the bounds of a man and a woman who love and respect one another, mirroring the relationship of Christ and the Church. Anyone who believes that my writing disrespects women either has not read enough of my writing on the subject to say anything whatever about it or, if they still have that view after reading enough pages, they really need to retake their ESL class. A third option — the one I think pertains here — they could surrender the a priori notion that I must be crammed into their mental caricature of a conservative complementarian.

Here’s a question for critics of the piece: You want these words not to mean a forceful, degrading domination of women, yes? And here is Wilson saying he does not mean them in that way. So why not accept that? Or, instead of insisting they mean the opposite of what he says he meant by them, why not just call him a liar? That’s a quicker line to draw.

In the final analysis, I come back to my original analysis, which is that Douglas Wilson’s view of women is that they are to be cherished and protected and served humbly by men, even men in authority over them. This is the kind of authority the Bible prescribes, the kind that edifies and helps wives to flourish, not wither. That is my view of complementarian relationships in the home and the church, as well. I am a proponent of marriages that mutually edify, marital sex that is mutually submissive, and Christian relationships in general that “serve and protect” rather than “devour.” If someone keeps finding that sickening, horrifying, deplorable . . . well, I’ll just keep finding that bewildering.

I appreciated this comment from Bekah M and I’ll give her the last word on my site:

This entire conversation exposes what has become a serious issue for a vast majority of our society; there is a general inability/unwillingness to read beyond the most popular and/or polarizing definition of a word. Readers tend to be lazy; we want things spelled out for us so that little critical thinking is required.I would hope that your explanation of your choice of words would clarify enough to avoid Christians drawing sides and declaring war over a post with which we all claim to agree. From my understanding, all Jared was observing is that “50 Shades of Grey” is a prime example of how godly sexuality is twisted into dominance and aggression and that your observation in “Fidelity” is that rape (like all sin) is a twisting of God’s design.

Praying people will ask for an explanation and clarification as opposed to offering an attack based on the assumption that we’re all working with the same definitions and connotations. Your words are challenging and controversial to be sure, but the reaction to them here is surprising to me.

It was surprising to me too.

No doubt there are more comments to be made. The comments on this post are closed, but my email inbox is open. Feel free to send your continued thoughts and concerns to jared AT gospeldrivenchurch DOT com . I will be grateful for the sharpening.”

Rachel Held Evans has done a beautiful job of unpacking why this is vile, overt misogyny that does not even bother to hide behind standard complementarian words.

Grace at Are Women Human? points out, Wilson’s apologia for both rape and slavery is linked by his vision of a society in which white men benevolently rule over everyone else. White male domination is thus at the heart of Wilson’s belief system. This is not, I hardly need to stress, an orthodox view of Christianity – although some people who think like Wilson use the cross too, usually burning crosses.

The Gospel Coalition has removed both posts, but unfortunately for them, both posts are still available in Google Cache.