Shortly after Joe Sandusky’s November 2011 arrest for allegedly raping young boys, Michael Reagan wrote the following guidelines for adults who see, know of, or suspect child abuse. To read his complete post please visit The Michael Reagan Center for Advocacy & Research
1. If you see an act of child abuse in progress, step in and STOP IT. I have to wonder why the grad assistant who witnessed the rape felt he only had to report it to someone. Why didn’t he jump in, knock Sandusky on his butt, and protect the child? If you see a child being raped by an adult, please have the guts and good sense to intervene.
2. If a child tells you he or she is being abused, don’t panic, don’t act shocked. Make sure the child feels supported and protected. Say, “You did the right thing in telling me.”
3. Believe the child. Even if the offender is “good old Uncle Charlie,” tell the child, “I believe you.” It takes a courage for kids to speak up because they fear they won’t be believed. Kids need to know you’re on their side, and they almost never imagine sex acts unless they’ve experienced them.
4. Tell the child that he or she is not bad. Say, “He knew better; you didn’t know. We’ll make sure he can’t touch you again.”
5. Focus on the child’s needs. Don’t think about the reputation of any individual or organization. The moment you shift your focus off of what’s best for the child, you’re on the wrong side of the issue.
6. Don’t confront the offender in front of the child. Keep adult discussions away from the child. Kids need to feel protected. They don’t need to be upset, disturbed, and frightened.
7. Report the crime to the police. Law enforcement agencies in your area have trained investigators who will talk with you and the child, and who know exactly how best to handle the situation.
And don’t you dare tell me that you don’t have the heart to have “good old Uncle Charlie” arrested.
If Uncle Charlie is molesting a child, protect that child!
I’ve heard too many horror stories of people who protected “good old Uncle Charlie” or “good old Coach Sandusky” instead of protecting children. You must have absolute moral clarity: Child molesters belong in jail where they can’t hurt children. If you don’t call the police, then you are an accomplice and no better than a molester yourself.
8. If the molester is a member of the clergy, DO NOT report the abuse to church officials. If the molester is a coach or teacher, DO NOT report the abuse to the school authorities. Some churches and organizations worry more about lawsuits and bad publicity than about kids. Just call the police.
9. Don’t call Child Protective Services-investigating crimes is not the function of CPS. If the police determine that CPS should be involved, they will make that decision.
Don’t let the predator talk you out of calling the police. Most predators are amazingly persuasive-that’s how they entice their victims, and that’s how they get people to cover for them instead of reporting them. Don’t be taken in by a charming predator.
10. After you call the police, call the ChildHelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4ACHILD (1-800-422-4453). The ChildHelp counselor will listen to your concerns, answer your questions, and direct you to local support services for the child.
Finally, don’t you ever use the “benefit of hindsight” excuse! I’ve armed you with the foresight to do the right thing to protect a child-and that child is counting on you.
The reason I tell you all this? Because, I was once that boy.
This is a good manual. My sister and I were both molested by our paternal grandfather. We both stuffed it down for years. After his death, my sister told our father what his father had done, and there was a huge explosion. They called me (overseas at the time) and then I remembered my own incident. My dad was never able to comfort us or believe us about that. It’s important to take people seriously when they say they have been molested or raped. They need affirmation, and help. When they don’t get either, they often become angry and distant from everyone.
This is excellent advice!!! My nephew was molested by my husband’s brother several years ago. He was babysitting the 7/yo and twin girls. From what we understand, he had been doing this for about a year, going to church on Sunday’s and sitting next to the boy and even put his arm around the boy. Then one day the nephew came to his mother and told her what was happening to him. Mother believed him right away without any questions. Mother called her husband and then she picked up the phone and called the police!!! The crazy thing with these molesters is they like to film what they have done. The police took 20 boxes of evidence out of his apartment…so, he cooked his own goose. Brother in law is so lucky that the father did not killl him on the spot. Father is a REAL REDNECK,(has to be one in every family) and had been saved for only about a year. As the family, we could not believe how the father was dealing with this. Anyway, the bottom line is, brother in law is in prison for 8 years and will soon come of for parole but was told not to expect to get out. Funny thing is, my husband’s other brother was a pastor..not IFB, and he has a real soft spot of his brother
If and when he gets out, I dont’ ever want him at our home, and my grown kids never ever want him around them or their family. Who knows what will happen to him…..this may seem evil, but I really don’t care! He made his bed and now lay in it!!!! There doesn’t seem to be any redeeming qualities about child molesters!
Brilliant! Thank you for reposting this. I too was once that girl. I spent 9 years of my life as a prisoner to a psychopath who abused me sexually and physically. I made up fantasies in my mind of an adult who would come rescue me from that evil man, but it never happened.
I’ve been writing my secrets in hopes they will inspire observers to do exactly as you’ve posted above. To inspire them to take action and save an abused child, or to prevent a child from being abused. I also hope and pray my stories will inspire others who have experienced abuse to speak up, to voice their secrets, and to let them know they are not alone.
You are an Angel for sharing this, God bless you.
love and blessings, Joan
I saw when Michael Reagan came on Fox News after his dad died and revealed that he had been raped by a worker at the summer camp he was sent to when he was growing up.
I like Michael Reagan and am glad to see him reach out and help other victims.
There are many in positions of influence who could reach out to others who are hurting once they come to terms with their own pain and abuse. It isn’t complicated … it’s just hard to do.
Wonderful, practical advice. Thank you for sharing.
Yes , send this link to your local IFB church so they too now know what to do,
Micheal is right. I confronted my husband in 1982. He went to prison. There is no support and I am the one who is shunned to this day. Social workers think mothers should have known and done something, prosecutors don’t trust you and the sheriff calls you a liar.